Posted
Feb. 21, 2000
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Chip
Scanlan on query letters: Summing up your story, showing you
can produce.
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Tips
for Revising Leads
Follow
the "read aloud" rule.
Always read your lead aloud. Give your lead a Ņbreath test,Ó
that is, can you say it in a single breath? Do you stumble
over words? Does it sound like something youÕd tell a friend
over the phone? Does it put you to sleep or confuse you?
It will do the same for your reader.
Play
the revision game. Count the words and see how many
you can eliminate from the lead. There are many good ways
to enter a story. Just because a lead appears in print,
even in the best newspapers, doesnÕt mean it canÕt be
revised. In fact, it may build your confidence to rewrite
a published lead.
Is
it accurate? In the attempt to make leads brighter,
stronger, and clearer, writers and editors have been known
to inject errors into the story.
Put your leads on a "to be" diet. Replace
all forms of passive verbs -- "is planning," "are
hoping" -- with active verbs -- "plan," "hope."
Eliminate
jargon and clichˇs. Lawyers, politicians, and bureaucrats
thrive on arcane language. Jargon bewilders and distances
readers. Clichˇs bore them. Strive for fresh language. William
ZinsserÕs On Writing Well is the antidote for both.
Reduce
redundancies and unnecessary words. Which of these
two leads is stronger?
"Stricken
by a nameless grief, Jesus grew very sad, and sitting
in the garden he wept copious tears."
Or
"Jesus
wept."
--
Excerpted
from Reporting
and Writing: Basics for the 21st Century, by Chip
Scanlan
Reporting, Writing & Editing Group Leader, The Poynter
Institute
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