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Posted Feb. 21, 2000


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Tips for Revising Leads

  • Follow the "read aloud" rule. Always read your lead aloud. Give your lead a Ņbreath test,Ó that is, can you say it in a single breath? Do you stumble over words? Does it sound like something youÕd tell a friend over the phone? Does it put you to sleep or confuse you? It will do the same for your reader.
  • Play the revision game. Count the words and see how many you can eliminate from the lead. There are many good ways to enter a story. Just because a lead appears in print, even in the best newspapers, doesnÕt mean it canÕt be revised. In fact, it may build your confidence to rewrite a published lead.
  • Is it accurate? In the attempt to make leads brighter, stronger, and clearer, writers and editors have been known to inject errors into the story.

  • Put your leads on a "to be" diet. Replace all forms of passive verbs -- "is planning," "are hoping" -- with active verbs -- "plan," "hope."
  • Eliminate jargon and clichˇs. Lawyers, politicians, and bureaucrats thrive on arcane language. Jargon bewilders and distances readers. Clichˇs bore them. Strive for fresh language. William ZinsserÕs On Writing Well is the antidote for both.
  • Reduce redundancies and unnecessary words. Which of these two leads is stronger?

    "Stricken by a nameless grief, Jesus grew very sad, and sitting in the garden he wept copious tears."

    Or

    "Jesus wept."

  • -- Excerpted from Reporting and Writing: Basics for the 21st Century, by Chip Scanlan
    Reporting, Writing & Editing Group Leader, The Poynter Institute

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